Okay so lets start with, What is mental load?! The concept was introduced in 1984 by sociologist Monique Haicault. Haicault published an article "La gestion ordinaire de la vie en deux". In her article she discussed the impact of mental load primarily on woman in heterosexual relationships who carried so much responsibility for running their homes, childcare and other family tasks. Haicault described mental load as the cognitive and emotional work involved in successfully managing daily life.
Over the years, this concept has developed and is not primarily linked to just woman in Heterosexual relationships. Its aimed at woman in general. Mental load is the thinking work we do every day that goes completely unnoticed by others around us. It doesn't only go unnoticed by others, we can often ignore the level of mental load that we deal with and minimise it. This only increases the risks of our mental health declining which can lead to burnout and physical health issues. Mental load is the invisible work that we have to put in to manage our daily responsibilities. This can be broken down into categories such as Work related mental load, household tasks, financial management, significant dates/events, family logistics, emotional support, self service, memory storage, decision making, technology demands and the list can go on. Let's explore each category in more detail to highlight how much you need to consider daily.
Work Related Mental Load
This can be planning your journey to work, navigating traffic to get to work on time, planning your day, answering calls, emails, keeping track of deadlines, delegating tasks to colleagues, risk assessing, thinking of potential problems that may arise, promotional work. The problem solving, the stress of not making what you expected to make or get the bookings you expected to get. These are just a few examples. Did it get you thinking of what work related mental load you have daily?
Household Tasks
Where do I even begin?! Okay here goes, food preparations, meal planning, laundry (washing, drying, putting away), washing the dishes, drying the dishes, general housework, changing beds, cleaning windows, hoovering, making beds, toilets, bathroom, floors cleaned, making sure you have enough cleaning supplies toilet roll, toothpaste, shopping, routine maintenance, bins and recycling. Now think of all these tasks and think of how much of this you do yourself and plan without anyone noticing!
Financial Management
Paying bills, budgeting, paying bills on time, setting up standing orders, direct debits, checking bank statements, looking for the best deals, comparing prices (example; car insurance, home insurance, mortgage rates etc). Money worries? This is an additional mental load you carry with even more mental strain. Thought and planning goes into how to be financially free which can take up a lot of brain space. Especially if you are dealing with this challenge on your own. Do you speak about your finances openly and share the financial mental load?
Significant Dates/ Events
Remembering birthdays, anniversaries, getting cards, gifts, finding time to drop the gifts, attend weddings, parties, buying outfits for said events, preparing for holidays such as Christmas, new year, Easter and Halloween. I always feel so grateful to have people in my life that I can do this with and for, but it can have a serious mental effect on you if you agree to too much!
Family Logistics
Arranging childcare, after school clubs, scheduling and attending appointments, parents evenings, filling out school permission slips, preparing packed lunches, making sure children are showered, dressed appropriately each day, car maintenance, car washing, family holidays (planning, booking, changing money, buying holiday clothes, packing, unpacking), playdates, if there are sicknesses and the list can go on depending on your family and its needs. Think about how much of this you do on your own. How much you think and plan all of this on your own. Im not saying that a significant other does not support, but, its important to really be aware of what you do on your own.
Emotional Support
This could be to friends, family or colleagues. Do you provide emotional support to someone? Do you have to manage conflict? Do you have to check in on peoples emotional wellbeing? Do you think and worry about others in your life often?
Self Service
Personal hygiene, grooming, self care practices, scheduling down time, planning your own appointments and attending them, attending to your own needs.
Memory Storage
Trying to remember what you have to do, what people have asked you to do and what they have said. This can be very challenging if you are at your limit!
Decision Making
Think about all the choices you make in just one day. From the time you wake up in the morning, to what you eat for breakfast, to the shows you decide to watch, and even the big decisions that impact your life. We go through tons of decisions every day, usually without really thinking about how we get to those final choices.
Technology Demands
These days, it feels like technology is always pulling us in. We're constantly checking our phones, juggling WhatsApp messages, texts, and scrolling through Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. It’s easy to get totally wrapped up in it all, and that can really weigh on our minds. Then when we haven't responded, we panic and constantly have that thought of I NEED to reply. All ill say is, you don't. You don't have to reply. Reply when you can, and when you are in the head space to do so.
Having explored the concept of mental load more thoroughly, have you noticed how much occupies your mind each day? It can be a WOW moment for some.
Some symptoms of mental load include;
Feeling anxious
Overwhelmed by the smallest of tasks
Extreme fatigue
Your mind constantly racing and thinking about what needs done
Unable to sleep at night
Unable to relax
Irritated/ easily frustrated
Feeling depressed
Burned out
Emotional/upset easily
*These are just some of the symptoms to look out for but not limited to.
Managing this mental load requires conscious effort and strategies to ensure it doesn't become overwhelming. Techniques such as prioritising tasks, setting boundaries, and practicing mindfulness can be beneficial. Additionally, sharing responsibilities with others, whether at work or at home, can alleviate some of the pressure. It is important to regularly check in with yourself, recognising when the load feels too heavy and taking steps to lighten it, whether through self care, seeking support or simply taking a break. Remember, maintaining a balanced mental load is crucial for sustaining long term health and happiness.
During the holiday season, people face increased responsibilities, from planning gatherings, to shopping and decorating. This pressure can lead to emotional stress as individuals aim to create a joyful experience. Recognising these stressors and implementing strategies like I previously mentioned such as prioritising tasks, setting realistic expectations, and seeking help can ease the burden, making the season more enjoyable and meaningful.
If you are feeling that the mental load is too much, please seek mental health supports, speak to family or friends or reach out to me. You might be surprised how many people will support you when you ask.
I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and if this time of year is particularly challenging for you, make room for all the things that will make you feel that little bit better and bring a smile to your face. You deserve happiness all year round.
Love, Colleen
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